If You Give A Canadian Vodka
by Insanity under the moonlight
Summary: It was another world meeting, Germany and Prussia were having a drinking contest, England was singing at the top of his lungs as he danced around shirtless, and Canada was trying to 'convince' Russia to have a threesome with her and Belarus. What? You didn't think this was an official world meeting did you? It all started when Prussia commented about American beer during a real one


This is my first story for the Hetalia fandom so I hope I kept everyone in character (for the most part). there's no official ships but some came out stronger than originally intended. Oh, and Nyo!Canada in case you didn't notice becasue it would have been weird if guy Canada was doing this...

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It was another world meeting, Germany and Prussia were having a drinking contest, England was singing at the top of his lungs as he danced around shirtless, and Canada was trying to 'convince' Russia to have a threesome with her and Belarus. What? You didn't think this was an official world meeting did you? It all started when Prussia commented about American beer during the real meeting.

Flashback

Everyone was being as productive as usual, Germany managed not to have an aneurism as he screamed his lungs out for order ironically causing people to speak louder so they could be heard over his yelling, America managed to beat his fastest time for eating a burger (which said a lot), France was well on his way to flirting with all of Europe, and China managed to find a location for his newest china town.

"hey Denmark! How about the awesome trio go for a drink?" America shouted from across the room, his voice loud enough to be heard through the chaos. Only to have his attention turned to Prussia when he snorted in amusement.

"here? In America?" He said disbelievingly.

"where else? I didn't think you wanted to go on a plane trip just to get drunk" America said as he crossed his arms.

"well American beer is like sex on a canoe, its fucking close to water! Kesesese" even Alfred himself had to give a chuckle at the joke.

But he then took on a melodramatic pose, complete with a woeful voice "well too bad, I _was _going to take everyone to a high-end night club…but…" America stopped to give an exaggerated sigh "since you're too good for my American alcohol"

"whoa whoa whoa, I never said I was too _good_ for it! no need to cancel the trip" Prussia said backtracking.

"great!" America said, suddenly all smiles again before addressing everyone in the room, "hey! We're going out for drinks tonight!"

Yet the only response was half-hearted grumbling. Slipping back into his act, America quietly said "oh well, I guess no one wants free booze…"

Suddenly the room exploded with confirmation of attendance and demands to know where this club was. Nothing brought consensus to a meeting alike alcohol.

Flashback end

But that doesn't explain how our shy Canadian girl got here.

Flashback!

While the noise in the room doubled with new vigor, Madeleine sat in her assigned seat, polar bear in arms.

"oh Kuma, maybe we'll get to make some new friends" She whispered happily.

"that's nice…" Kumajiro said, sounding not interested in the slightest.

"ah! But what do I wear?" and sadly, since her bear had as much fashion sense as her she had to rely on her papa. Waiting until the meeting was done, Madeleine hurried to catch the eccentric man before he began his quest to explore a certain Englishman's vital regions.

"p-papa! Arête! s'il' vous plait!" Madeleine called in hopes the French would catch his attention as she reached out to grab his shoulder, her other arm holing Kumajiro.

"oh? Bonjour mon petite! I haven't seen you in so long! And how beautiful you have become" France greeted as he took her hand and kissed it, merely chucking at the girls embarrassment.

"papa…I, uh…" she didn't know why she felt so shy all the sudden but it seemed Francis was able to inference what she wanted.

"of course mon cheri, you don't even have to ask, none of the others really mattered to me. We can dance the night away…or spend it doing other things" He said, implying something far from clean.

"what!? No! I wanted advice on what to wear tonight!" Madeleine yelled, suddenly panicking from the mixed signals, "it's not that I hate you! It's just that I don't see you that way! I mean it's flattering and all but-" Madeleine stopped her rambling when she noticed he was laughing at her.

"désole, i knew what you were trying to ask but you're too easy to tease, now come mon petite! We have lots work to do!"

She wasn't sure if she should have been insulted by that, but she didn't have much time to ponder before she was whisked away.

Flashback end!

And that's how this northern nation ended up wearing a red plaid shirt with rolled up sleeves and high waist shorts with black flats on her feet, along with gold bangles on her wrists; he even went as far as to apply makeup and buy her a pair of small silver maple leaf earrings that dangled and styled her curly hair into a sideways ponytail similar to Wy's. She would have looked stunning if she didn't get self-conscious at the last moment and asked Alfred for his bomber jacket, and Alfred – who was more than willing to give it up in order to cover her up – who gave it to her. For now, let's just see how she changed from a conservative shy girl to a promiscuous and flirtatious woman in the other's eyes.

Sitting on a barstool alone, Madeleine sat quietly as she watched everyone have fun.

"h-hello Madeleine" came the drunken slur of England as he plopped down next to her.

"hi England…nice party eh?" She asked as she discreetly shifted away from the man that smelled like a minibar all on his own.

"what? I can't 'ear you over the noise!" England shouted, maybe a little louder than necessary. Though he was right, with the loud music, and the constant shouts of other people trying to talk over it, it would be nearly impossible to hear her. Clearing her throat, Canada tried again. "hello England, nice party eh?!"

"you need to loosen up, y'know that? Your brother's _pretty_ annoying but at least he knows how to have fun" Arthur said before downing another shot of god knows what. "oi! Waiter! Another two right here!" the bartender didn't look too pleased at being called a waiter yet he set down the drinks anyways. Madeleine sent him an apologetic look before turning back to her former guardian.

"England, I think you may have had too much to drink" she said softly as she pushed the small glass away from the older personification.

"nonsense! In fact I think you aren't drinking enough! What's that? Your twelfth beer or something?" he asked mockingly. Since they weren't exactly human they had a better alcohol tolerance than normal so in reality Arthur had the tolerance above the average human. Of course that meant every other nation could still drink him under the table.

"um, no it's just my fifth…"

"five?! We've been here for…" he paused to squint at the hands on his watch.

"and hour" she supplied.

"an hour! Thanks, the bloody numbers are so small…anyways what was I saying?" he asked suddenly confused.

"my brother is an annoying git" she partially lied, wanting to get out of this situation.

"ah, I remember now! I can't believe he said that! 'England, I think you may have had too much to drink' pfft, what does that glutton know" England ranted with renewed anger.

'but…that's what I just said not too long ago…' Madeleine thought as she listened to the man complain about a mix of her and her twin.

"and I said 'that's complete rubbish!' honestly, how do you get by living so near him, you can't be high every day"

"well, we can't all get away with being a drunk either" Canada said in such a kind voice it didn't even register to him as a jab at his drinking habits.

"so, where's that bear your always carrying around?" England said, suddenly changing the subject as he looked at the ground as if it would suddenly appear.

"Kumahiro? He wanted to stay home"

"Kumahiro…Kuma_hiro_…that doesn't sound quite right for some reason" Arthur murmured to himself, as he continued to repeat the name, testing it on his tongue.

Giving a sigh, Canada decided it was time to leave that area of the bar. Yet the only open seats were the two on either side of the Russian personification, she was about to reclaim her seat when she noticed it was already taken by her brother, who was already aggravating England with his mere presence. She briefly wondered if he realized they'd switched places, especially since she was wearing her brother's trademark jacket.

Well, speak of the devil ad he shall appear.

Everyone knows that England plus alcohol plus a drunken grudge equals some magical disaster on the poor fool who started it or an innocent by stander. Sighing for what she knew wouldn't be the last time that night; she hesitantly picked the probably safer seat and sat next to Ivan.

'well…here goes nothing' she thought before taking the plunge. "hello Russia"

"oh, hello comrade" he greeted, before going back to his previous task of drinking all the vodka in the bar as if she wasn't there.

Madeleine gave an involuntary huff of aggravation at his blatant disregard of her presence.

"what is wrong?" Russia finally asked after taking another swig, not out of concern but curiosity.

"I came here because I wanted to make friends with the other countries or at least get them to remember my name but every time I tried to approach someone they either couldn't see me, or were too drunk to hold a proper conversation or remember the next five seconds who their even talking to. Why did I even bother! France dressed me up and everything yet nothing is working!" she vented, before dropping her face into her hands.

"don't do that, you will mess up your face" Russia said as he lifted her face from her hands, "I know how you feel, for some reason all of the other countries get scared when I try to make friends with them. Yet you will not make any progress if you give up, you must persevere no matter how much they run" Ivan said encouragingly, yet the kind smile he gave her made her thank he wasn't exactly understanding her problem.

Well she couldn't say he didn't try.

Giving him a smile in return, Canada said "thank you Russia, I'll keep trying" yet she didn't make any movement to start.

Blinking, Russia came up with an idea "I know, maybe you need some courage, here" he said as he offered her a bottle of vodka.

"u-um, I don't drink anything that strong…i-I'll just…thanks" she protested weakly, but soon took the drink anyways when the man started to kol.

"ah, that's good. For a second I thought comrade was spitting on my kindness and insulting my vodka" he said with false relief. Russia didn't know who this nation was, be he was certain she was lucky he had already drank a few bottles and was assured there were plenty more coming.

"ahaha, that would be terrible! Haha…ha" she trailed off nervously when she noticed he was still staring.

"well?" he said expectantly.

"well?...oh! right! erm…" breaking the black seal over the cap, Madeleine tried not to choke from the strong burn of the alcohol as she drank out of a shot glass.

"good, now is comrade ready to make friends? No? then drink more!" he said happily.

Since she could see Russia wasn't really giving her a choice in this Madeleine continued to drink until the unfortunately large bottle had a quarter left.

"I-I've had enough Russia" Canada stuttered out, she was beginning to feel a little buzzed.

"nonsense! You can never have too much vodka!" Ivan said as he pushed another bottle to her.

"…thanks, I appreciate the gesture" resigning herself to this new binge drinking fate, she held up her bottle as a toast.

With a less threatening smile, Russia joined her and said "to friendship"

"and not pity drinking alone" she muttered before taking a drink straight from the bottle, no longer bothering with the small glass.

Quickly two bottles turned into four and before she even knew it, Canada was full on drunk. Even Russia was a little beyond tipsy at this point, but not too far gone to miss the entertainment in her new behaviour.

"shit Ivan, how do you drink this stuff all the time?" she slurred before taking another sip.

"it is Russian water" he replied with a smile, he and Madeleine – who he previously remembered the name of – actually had a lot in common. Maybe the vodka was affecting him for than he thought but he realized that maybe he could meet up with her to do things besides hockey. Like sky diving! Maybe the snow was softer in Canada…

"hahaha, of course. I can only imagine livers are in high demand in Russia too" Canada let her gaze sweep across the room, landing on the dance floor. Russia nearly jumped at her sudden gasp, he was almost worried, and completely unaware she was gasping after being struck by an idea. Jumping from her seat, Canada said "let's go dance!"

"sorry, but I do not dance" Russia said before returning his attention back to his liquid companion

"why?...oh well…I guess I'll go tell Belarus to keep you company…" Canada said much more innocently than her intentions.

"w-wait! Let's go!" Russia said before guzzling the rest of his bottle. 'vodka give me strength' he thought before he followed her into the mass of bodies.

"Venir sur Ivan! pourquoi aren't you dancing?" Canada said, her French roots becoming more apparent as her English upbringing got swept aside by the alcohol.

"ah…well I do not like to dance so…I will just watch" he said uneasily as he was jostled by the bodies dancing around them.

"well…if that's what you want…" Madeleine purred as she began to dance alone. As if caught under some hypnotic spell, Ivan couldn't look away, and he wasn't the only one.

"but then-…mein gott…" Prussia said with horror in his voice.

"what? What's wrong Gil?" Spain said when he noticed his long-time friend stopped in the middle of his sentence.

"look at birdy…" he said numbly, as if reliving some traumatic even.

"who?" France said before taking a sip of wine from his seat in the lounge.

"the sexy looking lumberjack, you know…Canada…" Gilbert said as he pointed at one of the many females on the dance floor, provocatively turning her hips with a naughty expression.

France laughed in sheer joy before proudly saying "yes! All she needed was a makeover to give her some confidence. See, I know what I'm doing Angleterre"

"you did that!? Hey, where's my jacket! I gave it to her!" America said from his seat next to England, who he was trying to keep from stripping.

"she came to me for help. And why did you give that to her? She was almost drowning in it" France complained as he sipped from his glass once more.

"see, nothing to worry about my friend. Isn't Lovi so cute?" Antonio said with a carefree smile as he looked at one of the two passed out Italians on the couch next to him.

"no you don't understand, the only time I've seen her dance like that was when I got her drunk" Prussia emphasized.

"you got my sister drunk!" America yelled angrily.

"hey I was curious! Besides I didn't want to drink alone!" Prussia defended.

"anyways, I've seen her drunk before and she doesn't act like that" America said as he nodded in her direction.

"correction, you've seen her very tipsy, but not full on I'm-not-going-to-remember-any-of-this-in-the-morning drunk. Let me tell you, there's no mistake she's French when she's like this. I'm going to get her before she does something she regrets…again" Prussia said as he stood to go retrieve her.

Meanwhile back with the less than sober.

"Venir sur Russie" Canada said seductively as she grabbed his hands and put them around her waist and firmly pressed her back against his front.

"N-n-n-n-nyet!" Russia stuttered, yet it wasn't out of embarrassment but fear since his loving sister Belarus saw him and in this position, and either he or Canada was going to feel her wrath. Most likely both eventually. Russia sobered up real quick when he realized his.

"big brother…you said you would dance with me…so who's _this_?" she hissed dangerously as she pointed a knife at Madeleine who was busy playing with the end of his scarf, oblivious to the further danger this put her in.

"u-uh, this is my hockey friend Canada. The one you approved of" Ivan said nervously, knowing this was going to end horribly for him at the least.

"I barely approved because I thought this…_Canada_" She spat the word like venom "person was a man"

Giggling despite the tense situation, Madeleine said "please don't be mad Belarus, your brother is just helping me make friends with other nations"

"shut up! And take your hands off that hussy brother!" Natalia growled when she noticed that Canada was still in his arms.

"u-uh…" Ivan was really sweating now. Madeleine was holding his hands in place with a vice grip.

"well?" Belarus whispered dangerously.

"Birdy!" Prussia shouted as he pushed through the crowed to get to them.

'ohthankgod' Russia couldn't help but think when his sister's attention was turned away from him, allowing him to focus on escaping the first unassuming mad woman's grasp.

"I'm sorry guys but she has to go now" Prussia said as he began to tug at her arm.

"aw Gilly, if you wanted to finish what we started you'll have to wait for another time. Soon Russie and I will… Comme il le voudrait dire… become one?" She said with a more seductive giggle.

"What! You commie bastard! You're taking advantage of my sister!" America yelled said as soon as he heard the words.

"I don't know whether to be proud or horrified that my little Canada has managed to seduce him" France said before he took another sip of wine.

"where's Toni?" Prussia asked when he noticed his French friend came alone.

"he's staying with Italy to make sure no one takes advantage of them while they're passed out" Francis answered.

"I imagine if anyone he would be the person to take advantage of South Italy through the use of a camera" Gilbert snorted.

"can we get back on topic!" America screamed.

"I'm not taking advantage of her! If anything she's taking advantage of me!" Russia cried despairingly.

"but you're the one who gave me lots and lots of vodka" Canada said innocently, almost sounding like her sober self.

"you didn't have to drink it!" Russia shrieked hysterically when it looked like everyone – especially his sister – was turning on him.

"let go of her!" America and Belarus hissed at the same time. After that twilight zone moment, everyone needed a second to right themselves.

"that was creepy…anyways birdy let go of him!" Prussia said as he pulled again, but was shocked when he felt no resistance. This miscalculation caused him to pull her into his chest, where she then latched on to him.

Giving him that flirtatious giggle, Canada said "oh my, well if you really can't wait your turn then I guess we can pick up where we left off… piqueurs suceurs et… Lécher et avaler" she said in an alluring voice. They knew whatever she was saying was bad when even France spat out his wine.

"what did you do with her!" He screamed at Prussia.

"I have no clue what she's saying but we didn't go as far as she's probably suggesting!" Gilbert tried to defend himself.

"how far is that?" America jumped in, not liking where this was going.

"okay we _may_ have made out a bit but we agreed to never speak of it!" Prussia admitted.

"you what! How dare you defile my poor sister!"

"we were both drunk- stop that!" Prussia said with a blush as he smacked away her wandering hands.

"but I thought you wanted to show me your awesome Cinq metres? Or do I have to invade your vital regions for it?" she said as she began to back him into a wall both literally and metaphorically.

"so proud yet so horrified…" they heard France murmur in misery.

"b-but what about Russia? you may never get this chance again…" Prussia said trying to save himself, though he may have gotten himself in hotter water with Belarus…who was the only thing that stopped Russia from escaping the second the other northern nation let go.

"so true, so true…unless I can have you both" Canada said in a tone that didn't sit well with either men.

Luckily Belarus comes to the rescue "No! Big brother is mine!"

Finally letting go of Prussia as well (who took the moment to run when Russia couldn't - the traitor!), Canada slinked up to Natalia, and using her most persuasive voice she said "but sweetheart, I never said you couldn't join us"

Pulling her brother a little further from her, Natalia responded "I do not like to share"

Sliding an arm around Belarus' waist, Canada said in a captivating yet ominous voice "think of it like this, with two of us he can't escape"

Those magic words sealed the deal. So much for a rescue.

"let us go brother" Belarus said as she and her new accomplice dragged the struggling giant nation away.

"no! noooo! America! Heeeeelp!" Ivan screamed as he was taken away to a…private room…

"I'm torn between saving my sister and condemning Russia…" Alfred said as he watched the once strong man crumble beneath the pressure of two cute looking women.

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I always imagined Canada would be an entertaining drunk, I also thought that France's language wasn't the only thing he picked up from him if you know what i mean. anyways, i used Nyo!Canada because I thought it would be weird if normal Canada was doing all these things, don't get me wrong i still think something like this would happen but I feel more comfortable using Nyo!Canada. This is the first part of a series, the next part is called "...They'll Do Crazy Things While Drunk" basically what happened in the morning after. well the possibilities of what happened.


End file.
